January: Mike & The History of TP

(REMINDER: The White House Report Night has a Christmas party tradition: white elephant topics.  In other words, instead of exchanging  gifts in the white elephant fashion during our Christmas party, we all write topics on slips of paper and exchange those instead.  “The history of Toilet Paper” was the topic Mike received at the 2010 Christmas party.)

Mike’s report was as entertaining and educational as it was disgusting and shameless.  Going as far back in documented history as possible (589 AD), Mike belabored the point that using toilet paper has been repeatedly proven ineffective and unsanitary.  Many “tests” over the years have attempted to decide the best way to clean a dirty backside. (Surprisingly a  “well-downed goose neck” made the cut. Who knew?)

Besides the many “colorful” images in his power point presentation, Mike used a demonstration for a visual aid.  (And no….it isn’t as bad as it sounds.) He elected Ross to cover his hand with peanut butter and then remove the PB with toilet paper. He was given as much TP as needed as well as ample time. Tommy, then, was asked to both smell Ross’ hand for PB odor & touch it for any oily residue.  The TP left behind both. Then Ross was given a wet wipe, which completely removed any proof of peanut butter. 

As Mike’s wife, the one who is probably more sensitive to his “crossing-the-line” antics than any other, I still think this was his best work. (Horrific images, but a quality report nonetheless.)

I will leave you with a quote from Francois Rabelais that left us laughing, “Who his foul tail with paper wipes, Shall at his ballocks leave some chips.”


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Filed under History, When things get crazy

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